Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
