Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
