Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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