I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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