i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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