you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
