Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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