guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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