Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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