Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
