So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
a search helicopter?!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
