apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
