dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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