No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
