have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
