I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
