Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If that was your dad, he is hot
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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