And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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