those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
