after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
