Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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