I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize