i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
