Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
