I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
