I need help removing her.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
