I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
