i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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