And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
