I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
