I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
