I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
