I want to make a zoo with you.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
