Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I could fuck to npr.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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