the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
