You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We need a shit load of segways right now
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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