just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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