You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
