I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
