I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
