I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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