He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
