Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
