Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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