so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
