i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
