WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
