I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
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I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
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Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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