what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
