At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
And then my night got REAL pukey
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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