Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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