It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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