I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
