My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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