can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
