You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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