Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Randomize
