Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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