I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
