Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
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like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
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About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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