...so i touched it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
