i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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