I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
