Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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